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My pen name is A Umbra in Latin Umbra means shadow, so my pen name means I am a shadow.
I am a man who has struggled with his sexual identity all my life for 55 years I was hidden in the closet living a lie as a straight man. During that time I was in a constant conflict between various desires of a sexual nature were in conflict with a need for normalcy and acceptance of the people in my life. Such choices lead to an oppressive fear of discovery, a fear that the people in our lives would not accept our true authentic self. We, therefore, hide in the shadows living a half-life, even if we crack the closet door open to allow a few people to see our true selves for most we are an illusion made up of shadows of who we truly are. That was true until I met my husband. I loved him enough to risk losing my friends, family members and my Job and came out. It was hard but everyone was accepting and today I am a happily married openly gay man. The world has changed since I grew up and I would encourage young people when you think it is safe for you to do so to come out. I am glad I did and I think you will be to. Today 5 years later I can not imagine my life without my husband, I cherish every day we have together. I regret the pain I put him through when we first met and I was still in the closet, but I love him enough to give up anything to be with him. I hope you can find such a love in your life.
Some of the choices that I have made were because of the times and environment I grew up in, as of this writing I’m in 60, and when I grew up my world was not such a kind place to people who were different, and so I chose the safety of the shadows. The youth of today faces a more tolerant world than I grew up in, but it is still a challenge, and I respect them for their openness.
I hope this additional context helps you to understand better some of my characters and where they come from they are a product of my fears, my hopes, and desires. The constant battles between my childhood morality which finds homosexuality unacceptable. I believe these same conflicts that I have shared with my characters afflict many gay and bisexual people and hopefully will enlighten any other readers to the complex range of emotions that confront their gay and bisexual friends and family. Many will not have experienced the world as I have, I can only convey my experiences and hope that they are enlightening and entertaining.
My Best Wishes to All
Sincerely
Patrick McHugh
Out of the shadows at last.
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