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I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki

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I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki

Written by: Baek Sehee
Narrated by: Jully Lee
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About this listen

Bloomsbury presents I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki by Baek Sehee, read by Jully Lee.

_______________

THE PHENOMENAL KOREAN BESTSELLER
TRANSLATED BY INTERNATIONAL BOOKER SHORTLISTEE ANTON HUR

'Will strike a chord with anyone who feels that their public life is at odds with how they really feel inside.' – Red

PSYCHIATRIST: So how can I help you?

ME: I don’t know, I’m – what’s the word – depressed? Do I have to go into detail?

Baek Sehee is a successful young social media director at a publishing house when she begins seeing a psychiatrist about her – what to call it? – depression? She feels persistently low, anxious, endlessly self-doubting, but also highly judgemental of others. She hides her feelings well at work and with friends; adept at performing the calmness, even ease, her lifestyle demands. The effort is exhausting, overwhelming, and keeps her from forming deep relationships. This can't be normal.

But if she's so hopeless, why can she always summon a desire for her favourite street food, the hot, spicy rice cake, tteokbokki? Is this just what life is like?

Recording her dialogues with her psychiatrist over a 12-week period, Baek begins to disentangle the feedback loops, knee-jerk reactions and harmful behaviours that keep her locked in a cycle of self-abuse. Part memoir, part self-help book, I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki is a book to keep close and to reach for in times of darkness.

©2018 Baek Sehee (P)2022 Bloomsbury Publishing Plc
Biographies & Memoirs Mood Disorders Psychology Self-Help

What listeners say about I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki

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“Books are like medicine”

I listen to this book almost every day and it feels like I am taking pill to improve myself and my life. And it feels like author has perfectly proved the line she wrote “books are like medicine”.

The voice of Jully Lee has a melancholic tone and effect which seems like it is coming just from the depths of one’s own soul.

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a Wonderful read

This book is everything I'd ever want someone to tell me ❤️❤️ ❤️ ❤️

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Had to read! Comes highly recommended by Namjoon! BTS 💜

I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki by Baek Sehee is a raw and honest exploration of depression, anxiety, and the complexities of mental health. Reading it feels like stepping into the author's intimate therapy sessions, as she openly shares her struggles with self-worth, societal expectations, and her internal battle between wanting to disappear and finding solace in the small joys of life—like eating tteokbokki, a popular Korean street food.

What struck me most is how the book is structured. It’s not a typical self-help book or memoir but more of a dialogue between the author and her therapist. It’s like I’m listening in on a conversation that I’ve had in my own head before, and that level of relatability makes it all the more powerful. Sehee’s vulnerability in discussing her feelings of inadequacy and her obsessive thoughts resonated deeply with me. She doesn’t offer any neat solutions or forced positivity, which I appreciated because it felt real, raw, and messy—just like mental health often is.

This book feels like it speaks directly to people like me and many others who silently carry the weight of mental health struggles, often choosing not to share these experiences out of fear of burdening others or due to the stigma that still surrounds depression and anxiety. For those of us who’ve felt this way, the book becomes more than a conversation between the author and her therapist—it feels like someone who truly understands these fears is talking us through them.

There’s also a cultural layer to the book that’s fascinating. It sheds light on the pressure to conform in South Korean society and how those expectations weigh heavily on individuals, especially young women. Yet, despite its specific cultural context, the themes are universally relatable—anyone who has struggled with feeling “not enough” or battled with their mental health will see themselves in Sehee’s words.

Baek Sehee doesn’t offer solutions or a neatly packaged "fix." Instead, she gives validation and companionship, which can be so rare for those who feel isolated by their struggles. It’s as if the book is saying, "I get it," in a way that many of us long to hear. Even if you don’t personally resonate with the content, the book provides a deep insight into the complexities of the mind, giving you the empathy to better understand not only others but also the struggles that remain hidden beneath the surface.

Ultimately, this book doesn’t sugarcoat depression or try to “fix” the reader’s problems. Instead, it offers comfort in knowing that it’s okay to not be okay. It’s a reminder that healing is slow, nonlinear, and personal. And sometimes, it’s okay to crave something comforting, like tteokbokki, while still grappling with life's bigger questions.

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Therapy from the sidelines

An account of a person's journey with their mental health. Very real, grounded and relatable.

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Trust me this will help!

It took me a while to listen to this audiobook but when I finally did I was happy with my purchase. A must listen when your emotions are in a whiplash. I loved the author's narration and the narrator of this audiobook truly did justice.

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Must read!!!

I have no words...This book is a warm hug....loved it! This is my fav now ♥️

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This is an easy ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ for me

The first time I picked 'i want to die but I want to eat tteokbokki' by Baek Sehee, I put it aside as 'too depressing'. But months later when I was having a bad day, I ended up picking this up again. During a difficult evening, this book felt like a warm hug.

This is an easy ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ for me. But would I 'recommend' the book? To me the author was relatable to a shocking extent and made me realise I was not so unique in my struggles. Are most people like this? I don't know. Those who are will love this book. Especially on a bad day.

The author has detailed her struggles with living up to the high standards she has set for herself and failing, of wanting to be the centre of attention and not wanting to be the centre of attention, of throwing herself at people so that they can hurt her and she can end the relationship, of deciphering the worst in the behaviour and response or others - her struggles of low self esteem.

This book went beyond giving me a relatable writer. It broke down the few specific things I did and thought and acted on and made me realise that I did not know myself as well as I had assumed. There's a lot more going on under the surface.

I'd say read this when things are bad.

Disclaimer‼️The beginning might feel uncomfortable. No one likes looking that deep or accepting certain dark corners of our life.

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The honesty

I liked how brutally honest this book was and also the how amazingly it was read by the narrator. I had a great time all the way from start to finish. Highly highly recommend.

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Perfect to de-stress.

Short, simple and relatable. You'll get hooked to it from the very beginning! Audiobook is the best way to go for this book!

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It’s okay to not be okay

It is so good and I enjoyed it a lot . It’s a must read. It talks about mental health and emotions.

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