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Regretting Motherhood

A Study

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Regretting Motherhood

Written by: Orna Donath
Narrated by: Mandy Kaplan
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About this listen

Women who opt not to be mothers are frequently warned that they will regret their decision later in life, yet we rarely talk about the possibility that the opposite might also be true - that women who have children might regret it. Drawing on years of research interviewing women from a variety of socioeconomic, educational, and professional backgrounds, sociologist Orna Donath treats regret as a feminist issue: as regret marks the road not taken, we need to consider whether alternative paths for women currently are blocked off. She asks that we pay attention to what is forbidden by rules governing motherhood, time, and emotion, including the cultural assumption that motherhood is a "natural" role for women - for the sake of all women, not just those who regret becoming mothers.

If we are disturbed by the idea that a woman might regret becoming a mother, Donath says, our response should not be to silence and shame these women; rather, we need to ask honest and difficult questions about how society pushes women into motherhood and why those who reconsider it are still seen as a danger to the status quo. Groundbreaking, thoughtful, and provocative, this is an especially needed book in our current political climate, as women's reproductive rights continue to be at the forefront of national debates.

©2017 Orna Donath (P)2018 North Atlantic Books
Marriage & Family Motherhood Relationships Women's Studies

Critic Reviews

"Donath breaks open what she describes as an 'unspoken taboo,' bringing the notion that women regret becoming mothers into the public discourse with her latest research....The most valuable elements of the book are the different perspectives provided by the interviews, which reflect a striking amount of self-awareness (and, often, suffering) from women who have otherwise largely kept silent." (Publishers Weekly)

"Forthrightly feminist ... Donath's study fills a gap in discussions of women's lives and choices. While it will undoubtedly be a hard pill for many to swallow, it is also a necessary one." (Foreword Reviews)

"Donath carves out a much-needed space for these women to share, in their own words, stories about how they got to where they are, and how they manage now. Mixed in with these interviews is analysis by Donath, who expertly examines and questions the structures of a capitalistic, patriarchal society that not only contributes to women finding themselves in this position, but also prevents them from speaking about it. Many have never heard sentiments like the ones shared by Donath's interviewees - and that needs to change." (BUST Magazine)

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It’s all about housing with awareness.

This is a beautiful book. Having grown up watching ideal TV series such as Gilmore Girls has always left me wanting a daughter I’d be best friends with forever.

Lately though, I’ve begun realizing that relationships and motherhood is not all it seems. I’ve had to pause and think, “Is this for me? Do I really want to do it?”. My family members mock my pondering. “We had far less resources and awareness. Didn’t we manage to raise all of you anyway? Look at where you are today!”. It was confusing to me what to believe and what to conclude.

But thanks to this Study, I understand it now: THE CHOICE IS YOURS. Choose to exercise options as needed. Evaluate what having children means for YOU specifically. Because they will forever be tied to you, in an inseparable way. No matter how much help you get, the umbilical cord will always be yours. Choose what’s right for you, over pre-existing templates defined by society on what natural life progression looks like for a woman.

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Thoughtful

For many people to understand the difference is a big things nd to accept that they want or don't want kids is a huge thing....The book differentiates and normalises not wanting to go through the process...it doesn't make you regret just makes you realise if this really is your choice. Qudos to the writer...

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