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Unconditional Parenting

Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason

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Unconditional Parenting

Written by: Alfie Kohn
Narrated by: Alfie Kohn
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About this listen

One basic need all children have, educator Alfie Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful and largely unknown research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send.

More than just another book about discipline, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from "doing to" to "working with" parenting - including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people.

©2005 Alfie Kohn (P)2016 Tantor Adolescence Parenting Relationships School-Age Children
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The book threw out some of the misconceptions I had. But I find the alternatives very difficult to follow. Narration by author himself is ok with speed 1.10x. Sometimes it's sleepy. anyway, read it under your own risk because it knocks out some age old concepts.

Unconditional thoughts

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this is not just for parents but also for everyone who wants to build better relationship with their spouse, friends and acquaintances.

my take aways:
carrots and stick is not the best approach all the time.
treat kids with respect, ask why they are doing what they are doing, ask them for a solution, think from their perspective, teach them to look from other perspectives.
be ready to acknowledge our shortcomings, think who to solve the root cause instead of managing the symptoms.
expressing anger and controlling kids will give only an instant relief. for long term optimal outcomes follow above tips

lot of valuable insights

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Definitely one of the better reads for millennial parents who may not have had the ideal parenting experience growing up and are struggling with conventional methods that they’ve seen/heard/been taught. The book focuses a lot on the WHY & WHAT and not so much on the HOW except the occasional examples.
So if you’re someone already bought into the philosophy of unconditional parenting, you’ll find yourself nodding a lot. :)

Definitely one of the better reads for millennial parents

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This Book is for new parents or toddler Who can’t express what they want etc., New and Important topics are discussed in this Book. Good Read.

A Good Parenting book to study

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The first parenting book you must read before anything else. There are good ones out there but start here

My favourite parenting book

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