Teens and T1D!

I remember that before my son hit his teens, I swore that our lives wouldn't be as hard as what I was hearing from parents in the trenches. I was so sure that we were going to do better than all those other parents. And now I can humbly say that there is no easy path forward with teen kids: There are so many challenges as our kids grow up and transition to being independent with diabetes management.

On today's podcast episode, we get one flavor of what it’s like when you’re in the teen trenches. Rob comes onto the show to think through what to do about ongoing conflict he and his wife are having with their almost-17-year-old T1D daughter.

All the conflict centers on a new pump that they changed to a few months ago. The settings they are using for the new pump aren’t working — but their daughter is digging in her heels, insisting that she’s going to continue to do it her way. And her way means lots of LOW lows, massive number of juice boxes (Rob is buying them in bulk at Costco) and many-too-many sleepless nights for mom and dad. Basically, this teen has staked her turf, insisting that she be independent around the settings on this pump, even as it’s causing frustration and danger.

There was some good news, though: Rob noted that at their last endo appointment, he heard his daughter repeating back to the doctor all the things that he had articulated to her about the reasons the pump didn’t work. She clearly just can’t talk to him about it yet, but she is integrating it. Bottom line is that sometimes with our teens, we have to lean into the village. One suggestion? Have more endo appointments. Let the endo direct this conversation with his daughter. After all, if our kids won’t listen to us, it’s important to find a proxy who we trust — and who they are wiling to listen to.

We also looked at the way that this diabetes management issue is hijacking the relationship Rob and his wife have with their daughter. At this point, any time they try to talk to her about it, they end up in an explosive argument. I made a few key suggestions of how he can approach her so they can find a way to discuss it without a fight.

Hope you come away with some additional tools to apply to the hard moments you have with your T1D kiddo, either now or when they finally it those rocky teen years.

Enjoy the show!

One dilemma I’ve heard from parents again and again: If my T1D kid is acting out because of a high blood sugar, how do I parent that? Do I give my kid a pass because I know that their high affects their mood? Or do I parent the behavior as though diabetes isn’t operating in the background? In this week's episode, Julie comes on the show to talk about how this issue is playing out for her 6 year old son, Ethan, when he’s at school.

It sounds like Ethan has an amazing teacher: She’s paying attention to his diabetes and wondering if his high blood sugar might correlate to some disrespectful behaviors that she’s seen. The problem is that Julie and her husband haven’t seen that same correlation at home: Although they know that their son is very wiggly, has a lot of energy, and likely has a hard time sitting still — especially in the afternoons at school — they haven’t seen disrespectfulness when his blood sugar is out of range. At the same time, when he’s high — or has a big case of the wiggles — Julie will take him for a run to help him get his energy out or bring his blood sugar down, something teachers can’t do for him at school. Whether diabetes is driving Ethan’s behavior or not, we came to the conclusion that the teachers might be overly focused on Ethan’s diabetes, giving a reason for his not-so-stellar behavior when it would be better to just treat it as a behavioral issue.

Truth be told, we really never can know how our kid’s blood sugars are affecting them. But in my experience working with T1D adults, I found that they often felt frustrated with their parents for attributing their behavior to highs when they were kids. And the reality is that we all need to strive to be our best selves, even under less than ideal circumstances. So in the show, we talk about different ways we can help our kids show up as their best, whether it’s the high blood sugar getting in their way, or just the wiggles.

Hope you enjoy the show!

I often say that diabetes sits on the fault lines in our lives: If you're struggling with your relationship to food, diabetes makes it trickier to figure out how to eat. If you’re challenged in asking for what you need from friends, diabetes adds extra pressure. If you’re finding yourself in conflict with your spouse, diabetes sits right there.

In this week’s episode, Jessica comes on to the show to talk about the worries she has about where diabetes is sitting for her 7-year old: Grace is struggling to make connections with peers, but Jessica isn’t sure how much diabetes is playing a role.

Bottom line: Grace doesn’t like it when classmates ask about her devices. And she’s in good company there — many kids are uncomfortable about that. At the same time, I pointed out to Jessica that Grace’s classmates don’t seem to be mean, just curious. Together we thought about ways that Jessica could explore with Grace about what, exactly, makes her uncomfortable, as well as playing with different ways she could respond.

At the same time, I leaned into validation, knowing that that could be so powerful for Grace. Jessica said that “if I were in second grade and had diabetes, I would probably feel that way too” — and I reflected on how great it could be for Grace to hear that from her.

Certainly, we did problem solving, from Jessica organizing playdates to talking to the classroom teaching to thinking about the value of a social skills group for little Grace. But mostly we sat with how hard it is for a kid to have type 1. We sat with that uniquely parental fantasy we have that T1D is struggle enough and that our kids should have nothing else to deal with. At the end of the day, this is what caring parents like Jessica wish for their kids.

Hope you enjoy the show!