Nothing Like I Imagined

In these fresh and hilarious personal essays, Mindy Kaling gives the inside scoop on her new role as single mom, the perks of being her own husband, and how she deals with social anxiety even at the most glamorous A-list parties. In between, the beloved actress, writer, and Hollywood power-bruncher gets Kanye West’d at her best friend’s birthday, thwarts an “only in LA” crime, and learns what it means to have it all.

Like Kelly Kapoor on The Office, Mindy is engaged with her Indian heritage to the extent that it is fun and convenient. So apart from a tolerance for spicy foods and an appreciation for Ravi Shankar, Mindy isn’t all that Hindu. Her daughter’s Jewish godfather--TV and film’s B.J. Novak--prompts her to reconsider her religious beliefs and ask herself: How Indian do I want my daughter to be?

Yes, Mindy Kaling is the genial Hollywood celebrity who posted twelve selfies from a single Oscar party, but that smile took work. In this hilariously honest essay, Mindy reflects on the social anxiety that she traces back to the slices of white cheese her parents served at her ninth birthday party. Little has changed in thirty years--least of all the fear of being judged forever. It’s probably best to just back away.

After a friend real-talks Mindy into hiring a baby nurse, she finds the help she needs--and so much more--in this soulful essay by the acclaimed writer, actress, producer, and director. Becoming a new mother after losing her own, Mindy Kaling needs help--like someone to answer the questions What is a baby, and why don’t they have kneecaps? Enter Rose. The in-demand, dedicated baby nurse alleviates Mindy’s fears, from the minor to the profound.

In lieu of a perfect, hypothetical future husband, Mindy Kaling is thinking a lot about being single. Pros? She can marathon any Christine Baranski show she wants. Cons? Dealing with married couples and their condescension at cocktail parties. But until a gorgeous, morally flawless, preferably tall TV dad materializes in three dimensions, Mindy can cope with waiting it out (from the driver’s seat).

When Mindy and her best friend, B.J. Novak, are approached on a dark street by a Charles Manson-esque character, naturally they’re unnerved. Turns out he’s a huge fan of The Office! Now Mindy’s feeling a little judgy. But the night is young, unseasonably hot, and getting weirder. Mindy and B.J.’s brief encounter with the drifter is about to take an unexpected turn in Sunset Junction.

In this meditation on celebrity, power, and a simple thank-you, Mindy Kaling takes the next charmed step in her path from Conan intern to mogul: picking up the entire tab for a famous A-lister. It’s an investment, right? He’ll be blown away by her class. They’ll be best friends forever. Forty thankless seconds later, who wouldn’t spiral into self-doubt, second-guessing, over-rationalizing, and anxious obsession?